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A Letter To God: A Conversation Of Hope And Vulnerability

Dear God,

Thank You for always loving me. I’ve faced a lot of challenges over these years, but You’ve always been faithful to me. I’m going to be honest, sometimes I still struggle to understand what You are doing.

Life feels like I’m in a washing machine, being tossed and turned in hundreds of different directions, drowning in each new wave that crashes over me. But I know that even now, You are refining me. You are cleansing my heart and removing the permanent stains of pain and the dirty sins that I’ve allowed to become ingrained in my identity. You are restoring me through every fiber of my soul and every thread of my story. This process has a heavenly purpose.

Everything around me is changing, and I have no idea what my future is going to look like. I have so many questions and doubts. Even though I know this isn’t true, I still feel like I have to be perfect all of the time. When I mess up or feel anything but happy, I feel like I let You down and that You’re angry with me. I’m definitely working on breaking this shame cycle, and I know that I never have to do it alone.

Your love for me is everlasting and is the same yesterday, today, and forever. You delight in me and my feelings. Growth is only possible when I open the doors of my soul to You and break the rusted guards I’ve twisted around my heart. You are a gentle God.

It’s a weird, complicated struggle- to stop suppressing my emotions from You while simultaneously pursuing the truth. There are many times when I don’t know if what I’m feeling is valid or even real, and it’s very easy for me to just move on rather than actively address these issues with You.

Through it all, I do know that I am growing, and I am so thankful for that. I would never have gained the perspective that I do now and the trust that I possess in Your character had I not experienced this season. A part of my heart wonders, “Will it always be this challenging? Will I always be this exhausted and burnt out?”

You’re teaching me that even when I don’t have any of the answers, You are always with me. I can’t wait to get to Heaven, but life is not hell until I get there. Every time I’ve been obedient, I’ve seen an indescribable taste of Heaven here on Earth.

I told You that I was willing to go all in for You, and I still mean it with all of my heart. Even if that means being pushed beyond my limits and giving up my expectations, I know that it is always worth it. Jesus, You are always worth it.

When You came to Earth, You didn’t just die for us- You also lived for us. Everything You did was to love us unconditionally, to serve the broken, and to give us hope. Lord, help me to do the same. Show me how to wash the feet of the forgotten and the abandoned. Show me how to love those that the world deems unlovable. Show me how to glorify You with every fiber of my being, so that You may increase, and I may decrease.

You accepted the cross to prepare for the resurrection. I know that transformation is only possible by taking up my cross daily and following You. I’ve experienced Your goodness firsthand, and it never fails to leave me speechless.

I never want to get over Your faithfulness. This world moves so fast, and it’s very natural for me to struggle in processing everything that happened. However, You call me to deny what feels comfortable and pursue what is biblical. Lord, open my eyes to what You are doing and who You are.

What I love about You is that I’m always learning, always going deeper with You. And a part of going deep is also sitting where I am and just soaking in everything that happens. From the blooming flowers to the blooming friendships You’ve brought on my path, I’ve felt Your presence in such a tangible, powerful way.

Before telling me to go and tell, You invite me to come and see. I will come and see how You are working. I will come and see how You are present in even the tiniest details. I will come and see so I can declare to future generations of the greatness of our God.

And through it all, it’s okay to struggle. I’m only human. Instead of trying to bear and balance all of my burdens, You tell me that You can carry everything and that I’m never “too much” for You.

God, I need You. I need You every single day of my life, and that’s not a weakness, that’s an incredible blessing. I’m not just running my race- I’m running my race with You.

As I continue growing with You, there are so many spiritual attacks I have faced and will face. I know that You leave the enemies confused and cause the demons to flee. There is power in Your name and in Your promises.

Life is a journey full of twists and turns, but through it all, Your voice is a beacon of hope that will always lead me home. I am forever Yours. Thank You for always staying with me.


Your beloved child

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